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When my daughter was 15 her health took a turn. Her epiglottis, that covers the tube to the lungs when you eat so food can’t go into the lungs, stopped working. Everything she was eating was being aspirated into her lungs. Not only that, but she was a silent aspirator. That means that she wouldn’t cough or anything when she did aspirate. She started in 2008 getting pneumonia badly. They had to put in a G-tube. A G-tube is a gastrointestinal tube that goes directly into her stomach and she gets fed by special formula for her dietary needs. NOTHING by the mouth ever!
It was during this time that I was worried that she was going to die. I mean, she was really bad and the doctors weren’t very optimistic about her recovery. We never knew how long that we would have her from the day that she was born. Her seizures were so bad that it was always a day to day thing. But at this point I started to panic thinking, “We don’t have anything planned if she should die!” I mean, I kept thinking, “How much can her little body take?” God! What do I do?
As we were sitting there watching Krissie, wondering if she would get through this latest sickness I was praying that the Lord would guide and show me what to do about maybe getting her final arrangements made. I was thinking that sitting and watching her die was so very hard and I couldn’t imagine weeks or months in the hospital waiting for that event and then having to figure out what to do now that she is gone. Having to, through the intense sorrow pick out a casket and flowers and make all the other arrangements was overwhelming. I knew that God could heal her and make her well if it was in His divine plans, but I also knew that God is sovereign and that He wants us to rest on that sovereignty. I mean, He is God! In my life, He can do whatever He wants to do! I knew that Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.“
I called my daughter, April and told her my concerns and she agreed to unite with me in prayer concerning what action to take. That was in February of 2008. Kristol got better and was sent home only to go back to the ER that next month in far worse shape than the previous month. It was at that time that we really felt that we needed to make some plans in the event that Krissie doesn’t survive us. It was the most difficult thing for us to do! To have to plan you child’s funeral is very difficult. But going in and not knowing whether she was going to live or die was heart wrenching.
My daughter, April, at that time started to get on the web and do a search on cemeteries and mortuaries in the area. In the second week of March we had an appointment with Todds Memorial Chapel in Pomona. We sat and made all of the arrangements for when the time came and Jesus would call Krissie home. It was so very hard. But when I left that building I was so relieved. Now, if Jesus calls my daughter home to be with Him, through the pain, I won’t have to pick the casket and make all those hard decisions. Also, they have financial arrangements for a 3 year contract. It brought peace to my heart. We chose for a cemetery, Oak Park Cemetery in Claremont, Ca. A older, smaller, tree filled place that is very peaceful. My little nephew was buried there and now Krissie would be placed next to him.
I trust the Lord, but in my Momma’s heart, I knew that she would not outlive us. Not with her little medically fragile body. Now, through the 24/7 stays at the hospital by her bedside, that was one critical thing we would not have to worry about. God would give us the strength when it was time for her passing, until then we would continue on being what He wanted us to be, glorifying Him in all things!
I am saying all this to encourage you to search your heart. If you have a medically fragile child, is it time to make those arrangements? Only through prayer will you be able to make this hard decision. I had my families support. My sister, my parents, my 3 daughters, and dear friends. But most of all I knew that it was the right thing and a God led thing. But nobody can tell you what to do. Once the plans were made I felt at peace about it. Oh, I still worried every time we had to take her in. I didn’t want to lose my baby! But I knew that God knows what is best for us and what will bring Him glory. That's all that we wanted. His glory and praise! Our daughter was His. She now lives with Him in glory!
If you have any questions email me on the link provided. I will stand with you in prayer and give any help that I can!
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